Setting healthy boundaries can be scary for some. I know I had difficulty doing this for many years because, in my desire to be liked, I wanted to please people and would often do whatever they asked of me. Since I was a small child, I found myself raising my hand when a little helper was needed, offering or agreeing to do things for others without realizing that the feeling of overwhelm that sometimes followed was my own doing.

I volunteered to do things and then didn’t understand why my plate was full beyond capacity, leaving little room for myself. I was the kind of person who put myself last and others’ needs before my own. But after paying the price for this harmful practice for many years, I realized this was not love. It was a way I was saying to myself and my inner child that we don’t matter as much. Others’ needs must be met first so I can receive love.

In other words, my deservability, as Louise Hay calls it, was low. I felt I only deserved love and attention if I did something for someone else.

Here’s what I’ve learned: being of service can be a beautiful thing, but the important part is that you need to help yourself first. We’ve all heard the sayings that you cannot serve from an empty cup or put your mask on first. We should include ourselves first in this quest to fill needs. Once you realize that you are worthy of your own love, care, and attention, you will see how, when you look after yourself fully, you can more naturally be there for others in a deeply loving and authentic way.

If you plan on being of service to others with an agenda, the energy that service emits is not pure and feels needy. This energy naturally repels others, and you will never get that love and appreciation you’ve longed for. The Universe knows you don’t authentically feel this for yourself, so it will reflect that same feeling back to you from others, leaving you unfulfilled, sometimes bitter, and frustrated.

If you’re the kind of person who has created this dynamic of overgiving in your life and now feels drained or wonders why everyone is asking YOU for favors or expecting YOU to do it, remember that we teach people how to treat us. We recreate patterns of behavior through situations that are presented to us again and again.

Are you ready to break this pattern? Perfect. It’s no surprise that I’m going to tell you that it all starts with self-love. Acknowledge that you’ve been doing this, and forgive yourself because you didn’t know any better at the time. Now you do, and you’re ready to set some healthy boundaries for yourself and call your energy back to you. You’ve realized that you deserve love without conditions, and you will start by making sure your inner child knows and feels that.

Practices Inspired by Louise Hay:

1. Daily Affirmations: Start each day with positive affirmations. Louise Hay emphasizes the power of affirmations in transforming your mindset. Try affirmations like “I am worthy of love and respect” or “I honor my needs and set healthy boundaries.”

2. Mirror Work: Stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes, and repeat self-love affirmations. Louise Hay believed that mirror work helps deepen the connection with your inner self and reinforces positive beliefs.

3. Self-Love Rituals: Create daily rituals that nurture your mind, body, and spirit. This could include journaling, meditating, or engaging in activities that bring you joy. These practices help reinforce the belief that you deserve care and attention.

4. Forgiveness Exercise: Write a letter to yourself, expressing forgiveness for past behaviors that didn’t serve you. Louise Hay often spoke about the importance of forgiveness in healing. Acknowledge your past, forgive yourself, and commit to making healthier choices moving forward.

By embracing these practices, you’ll gradually transform your relationship with yourself and others. As you honor your own needs, you’ll have more genuine energy and love to share with those around you.

P.S. - If you want to learn more about how to love yourself and heal your inner child wound, join me for my upcoming Heal Your Life® Workshop 10 Week Study Course, which is coming up on July 27th.