Confronting My Mind Hacker: A Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Love

A few months ago, I watched "Can I Tell You A Secret" on Netflix. The show tells the story of three women who have been hacked and are being stalked by a man who continuously tortures them by sending distressing messages. His aim is to harm their mental well-being, damage their reputation, and destroy their personal lives.

I called this guy "the mind hacker." As I watched the show, I realized I knew that voice; it seemed quite familiar to me and like someone I'd been dealing with for most of my life. In horror, I realized I had been living with my very own mind hacker. That voice inside my head often spoke to tear me down, inflict emotional pain, and leave me unsure of everything in my life. It attacked my sense of worth and tried to convince me that I wasn't good enough to accomplish my dreams.

When I finished the show and realized how my own mind hacker had been bullying me and the trauma and scars this voice was leaving in its wake, I was able to put things into perspective. I realized this voice was not me, not the authority in my life, but something outside. Something that could be dealt with once identified because it was no longer MINE. Knowing I didn't want its influence in my life any longer, I could work to eliminate it. Once I saw the mind hacker for the bully, I could treat it with a certain level of compassion; I could see that it was a wounded shadow that was scared. It was loud and acted out, but in reality, it had no power over me, only the one I had been giving it. I realized that up until this point, the mind hacker hadn't been taught any better; it just didn't know how to act right, and so it ran rampant, but if I could just redirect this energy, I might be able to let that shadow heal so it could rest.

I went from a passive observer who accepted the voice to an active energy determined to infuse my light into the situation; I would not let this shadow keep me in the dark anymore. I was ready to SHINE.

I began by doing mirror work; every morning when I woke up, I would quiet the fearful voice and look at myself in the mirror, repeating, "I love you, you are safe, everything is okay. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are loved, you belong."

This was serious business; I had allowed this voice to pass as my own for far too long, so I knew it would take some time for me to retrain my thoughts as I distinguished it from my own. For me to be able to do that, I had to set up a strategy to assert mine. I had to be intentional and vigilant.

Every time I felt whispers from the mind hacker, I would audibly say "No" and stop what I was doing. I would pay close attention to the stream of thoughts. In the past, the stream of thoughts would just be running in the background as I went about my day, seemingly going unnoticed since I was so used to the negative chatter, but causing a world of harm all the same. So now, when I noticed it, I would stop everything and pay close attention. I would then affirm my truth to the situation to begin to reverse the effects of what had been said for so long before.

Mirror work and affirmations have worked wonders for me; I've learned to make the kind and gentle voice be the loudest in my head. I've learned that the mind hacker's truth is not my truth, and I have no need to accept it as so. I've learned to exercise my freedom of choice and to choose myself, to choose to listen to the voice that is from my higher self, the one that wants to lift me up and not tear me down. I've learned that the one true voice is the one of LOVE and that the voice of FEAR is no longer the one that will rule my life.

The mind hacker still lives, although you could say that voice has gone to jail now. When it becomes louder, it serves as a reminder that I've gone off my path and need to pay more attention - now it serves a purpose, and I'm thankful to it, but it no longer runs my life.

Love 💜 J